Friday, June 30, 2017

Against the rules

It's quite easy so why you are never there
It not that hard but we always seem to part
It's the first thing that comes to mind
Yet we never make it right
It's so obvious but we bend under your rules

It's the first thing that comes to mind
But we never make it right
I'm so sorry babe, aren't you sorry too
For everything we misplace
When we play against my rules

It's quite easy so why you are never there
It's not that hard but we always seem to part
It's the first thing that comes to mind
Yet we never make it right
Life becomes better when you're not here

It's the first thing that comes to mind
But we never make it right
I'm so sorry babe, aren't you sorry too
For everything we misplace
When we play against the rules

Thursday, June 29, 2017

The trial girl and the swimmer boy.

Is Michelle Carter the cure to adhd and procrastination? Can we extract her DNA with alcohol?
- Clean the toilet. You always say you’re gonna do it, but you never do. I just want to make sure tonight is the real thing.
- I'm worried about bacteria
- Don't worry, just do it
- Okai
What is the swimmer boy doing? Watching sunsets?
I'm starting to feel sorry for her. Many times throughout the history people were told that they should just suck it up despite facing grave adversities. I guess everything is relative but I hope that we don't care more just because it's about a rich white dude. Was he rich? I was told that he was. And wasn't she a teen herself when everything happened? Was she the cause of his suffering? Because such people always seem to go unnoticed. But somehow I know everything about her eyebrows and fashion choices. 
In my childhood and throughout my teens I was very suicidal myself but it was up to the adults around me to provide me with wisdom, guidance and support. It was up to the adults around me to listen to me, to my dreams, thoughts and my feelings and try to understand me without judging. That obviously never happened but this is something we need to be clear about - adults are the ones who are in position to help a depressed child or a teen. Not another depressed child who cuts herself. Children are children, teens are teens, they still develop and learn. A person who made me suicidal was invited to the hospital and was one of the first people I saw after I woke up. It's difficult to fathom so much insensitivity, especially since I was a minor then. Nothing has really changed. When I was ready to speak about my issues I was treated like a guilty adult instead of an innocent child who has the right to be silly, play, explore and discover. I don't know if I was suicidal or if I was forced to carry a burden too heavy for my body. I can easily picture someone who already has their own suicidal tendencies to project their suffering onto someone else because they can't see a lot of hope for themselves. It's adults who posses necessary self control and executive skills to analyze the situation and help youngsters. All of them, teachers, counselors, neighbors, doctors and nurses. And if they fail so often, how come we expect that from teens? 

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

I'd punch your stupid face

I'm the most peaceful being in this world
I hate violence and I don't watch porn
But I'd punch your stupid face
And I'd give it all I've got

I'm vegan and I always opt for a bike
Always somewhere else,
Yeah, that's cuz I'm thinking about art
But I'd punch your stupid face tonight

When I go out I put on spf 50
Yet when I get home, I'm dark brown
But for a long time I've been thrifty
I'm saving for you my every punch

I don't drink alcohol,
I stick to my herbal tea,
You always want to see me doing wrong
Lie to make everyone go along
So go, make the boy whose dick you're sucking
Choke you with your thong
You always hide behind his back,
Hoping for a little smack
Yeah but I meditate, I don't sleep around
It looks like you crossed the line
I'll punch your stupid face just fine 
I'm gonna hate you till you die

Usually I just cry a little,
Sleep a lot it eases the hurt
But it goes without saying
That bitch, I'm done with your dirt 

May the truth set us free...
Bye b.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

So it always seems better

You wrote songs about being hurt after you spotted how suicidal I was. You already sung each one of them and your performance was so convincing that I spent an evening dancing to it. Then I wrote songs for both of us. You already took my chess then showed me how to play games so now I'm having this terrible headache. You taught me everything I needed to know, but I think it was less hurtful when I couldn't recall your name, and what you know it's a part of you so to you it always seems better, I'm holding an umbrella, it's just a shot but you always tell me to keep it in my hands in case you need a place to hide but they're getting numb and I think that even I need to blink sometimes. You're still taking that ride and I just came to say hello, goodbye or excuse myself to the nearest exit. All ships are leaving and I'm hoping that yours will be the first one. 

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Strawberry Light

I'm the pillar and I'm drowning myself in the nearest lake
I'm the pillar and I'm collapsing again
There are only two pages in between us,
I'm writing everything down

I was told that you were loving me unconditionally but I was walking on thin ice 
There's a clock in my cells
Formed by the youth of my bones

Till they're out of taste

Till they're out

I taught my body how to say no and now it says that all the time

But my skin was strawberry light and hung like a curtain

But my skin was dead and the smell dazed me

I heard you get hurt by a different set of things

They always come and talk to me as if I were you

I'm expecting all the girls...

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Two showers

I already took two showers
Have been waiting for three hours
And there's just one thing, this one thing on my mind

Late May is when life happens

I was so excited just to see you so you told me to shut up and turn around 

You heard I was a dead girl so you went on a killing spree

Listen, I was just trying to make it alright so I slept with her that night

I was just trying to connect all the dots so I gave her all Ive got 

Saturday, June 3, 2017

It's all literal where I live

It's all literal where I live. I'd have listened to you, but I haven't updated my software in a while. I heard screams in the other room and got distracted. It was all grown up around you so I keep taking long showers and hide in my closet whenever I think of you. Now it's a stone so come and think about it a little longer. But my mom taught me that I shouldn't take that much air into my lungs and that I should stay calm so now I'm lying on my bed counting each sip. Our split was inevitable so let's move somewhere where there are fewer kids around because monkey see and monkey do, right? Let's go somewhere where there's still some sequence to our dance. I remember how fluorescently you kept bringing me down. It was just a mistake that happens all the time. 

Friday, June 2, 2017

Just in case

There's still a way
There's still heaviness on my back
There's still a cut
In every word I was meant to say
There's still a way
You've been keeping me under your heel to change my perspective
You step back, just in case

There's still intention
In each of my words
There's still pain
On the cloud where we used to rest together
There's still blood on every step
Leading you my way
There's still a hole
In each one of my limbs

I'm a good Christian

Why won't you make use of that